MR. STEVE ON THE FACT THAT IS DAD WAS A TEACHER

"The last thing I wanted to be growing up was a teacher, but you can't hide who you are. Its like farting. You can hold it in and pretend you don't do it, but it all comes out in the end."

Come on, Daniel, blow like a man!

Back when Wisconsin Public Schools were in session after Memorial Day

I have to go supervise some jocks now.

"Imaginary friends are good things. Just make sure their voices don't bother those around you."

Great. You worked hard. BITE ME.

"If I were Robby Kanevil I would be reaming somebody a new rectum today."

"By the way, Andrew, I have a secret admirer. It may be a woman, it may be a man, it may be an inanimate object."

The voices in my head are incredibly loud today.

"It is my goal as a teacher to make a student puke. Just randomly pick someone to throw up. And when you know the physics of angular motion, it's REALLY easy."

"I really think that you have the ability to communicate with the voices in my head, and all you do is mess me up."

In college you will get so lazy that you don't do laundry, you just buy new underwear.

"You acquire most of the underwear for the rest of your life in college."

My knees are a little too knobby for that dress.

There's nothing like having a little mucous on your hands.

"There's friction between my ball and my hand." turns red, realizing what he just said "Um...oops."

MR. STEVE ON THE BASKETBALL DIARIES BEING BLAMED FOR MURDERS

"You're all sitting around ready to kill people. You're just waiting for the right movie to come along. Its true, you know."

The only other song he could think of was...

Mr. Steve was singing "16 TON" and explained that it was a song about work. Ben J******s was annoyed by the song and requested that Mr. Steve sing a different work song. The only other song he could think of was... "John Henry did...something...with a hammer and...something...because of...something."

It is I, Captain Slick Daddy!!! Captain Slick Daddy wears pink Speedos and a pink mask!

While standing on a step ladder pretending to be a WWF wrestler

It's all inter-related...like the people from Appalachia.

I want to build a playground with all the banned pieces of playground equipment I can, because that's the fun stuff.

When people tell you you're not working up to your potential they mean,

 'You're not working up to your potential you lazy stinkin' piece of dog crap.' 

You know what I tell those people? Bite me. Twice.

I have imaginary friends, too.

I can beat my head against the wall until it's a bloody stump, but I'm not going to get this problem.

It doesn't mean I'm a bad person.

This video is from England. They talk funny there.

And after someone on the video tugged some clothing out of a certain location on their body....

You can do THAT in England too. ADJUST AT WILL!!!

If you look at my grandma...she's dead.

The physics of projectile vomiting is SO cool.

MR. STEVE'S PICKUP LINE

"I feel like I found a black turbo-charged porche with a tail fin, and I'm ready to make an offer on it, but I don't know if it's for sale." (date estimated)

Did you see those bombers?

"They were flying so low I threw a rock at them!"

I actually have a spot in my yard where grass doesn't grow.

I call it the wonder spot. For $5 you can come stand in it.

Centrifugal force is this imaginary force that pulls away.

Your brain makes it up, like your imaginary friends from pre-school.

Why would anyone smoke when they can get the patch?

If you fart in space you'll go somewhere.

Donated by a friend in Mr. Steve's 7th Hr.

If you launch water balloons from your deck, you will become an Olympian.

If I don't try the lingerie on, how will I know if it's right for me?

I'm dilated.

Skittles should be classified as a recreational pharmecutical.

When you see Nadia, tell her Mr. Steve sends hugs and kisses.

(PAUSE)

No...just hugs. I don't want to kiss Nadia.

Shania. I can't get her out of my head. I've been trying to replace her with Agent Sculley but...

Speaking of x, did anyone see the last X Files?

That Agent Sculley gets sexier every episode. Yeah, I have a thing for her. I'm enough of a man that I can admit that to you.

One of my favorite things to do is watch my son swat flies.

There's nothing wrong with wearing a leotard.

In fact, I'm wearing one now. And, if you weren't so afraid of your feminine side you'd be wearing one too.

I'll accept either D as in dog or A as in aardvark

Relating to an inside joke

Turbin, if you don't get out of here I'm going to open a can of whoop-ass on you.

MR. STEVE DESCRIBES AN UPCOMING FIELD TRIP TO GREAT AMERICA

We'll get on a bus REALLY early in the morning, boys and girls. Then we'll stop so you can all use the restroom. Then we get back on the bus. Then, we drop you off and you can puke as much as you want. Later, we'll get back on the bus to come home. Then we'll stop so you can all go pee-pee agian, and then we'll come home.

I'd like to put some of those black lights on my snowmobile and drive around on the lake. It'll freak some guy out and he'll load his shorts.

Student: "Those are illegal, you know."
Mr. Steve: "Yeah, but they'll have to catch me first."

I have given you the opportunity to be above average, even though YOU SUCK!!!

Said while yelling and dancing around the physics room

20 points is the MAXIMUM.

I CAN give you less if it's STANK.

Spin on our heads and fart the national anthem of Bangladesh.

If you sit under a tree and eat enough chicken, eventually something's gonna hit you in the head.

DAN A****N ON SIR ISAAC NEWTON:
"Shut up Newton! Smoke your joint and eat your apple!"
-June 1998 (at Abe's co-ed sleep over)

There are two ways to get rid of people you don't like.

You can either shoot them or give them diseases nobody's ever heard of.

If you're into pain, it's WONDERFUL!!!

Yeah, I smoked a few resistors, but I didn't inhale.

Do you want to know how I grade your papers, boys and girls?

I stand in the middle of the room and throw them up in the air. The ones that land far away get As, and the ones right by my feet get Fs.

You're not even smart enough to have a spare pair of underwear in your glove compartment.

I think that there should be a law passed that allows me to keep a hand gun in my car so that when I'm stuck behind a slow old guy I can shoot him in the head through the back window.

You know, if you'd been wearing OOPS I CRAPPED MY PANTS you wouldn't be running to the bathroom and missing my lecture.

I should be able to crap in my yard and sculpt with it. cuz it's my personal property right.

remarking on the attitudes of folks "up north"

Sometimes I wear my underwear on the outside of my pants, but at least I'm still wearing underwear.

Mr. Steve: I rub cocoa butter on my body when I'm feelin' blue.
Student: Do kids come up and lick you?

If you're worried about your kids getting cancer, kill them now.

When your eggs have been sitting in your body for 30 years and you have sex with a 50 year old man who has 40 year old sperm,

of COURSE there is more of a chance for birth defects.

Donated in early February, 1999 by a friend in Mr. Steve's 7th hour class

Go out and have as much sex as you want, but don't get the flu.

Donated in early February, 1999 by a friend in Mr. Steve's 7th hour class

I should be able to lay naked in the street because it is the drivers responsibility to see my laying there naked.

Donated in early February, 1999 by a friend in Mr. Steve's 7th hour class

I think this guy's lookin' pretty good, but he needs to show more chest hair.

If you got diarrhea from drinking that water you probably don't want one of those nuclear suppositories.

"People want viagra in the worst way. Healthy males should NOT be using this stuff for... whatever."

I'm not cross dressing, I'm expressing my feminine side.

Undated, 3rd Hour Class

I didn't know the human body was capable of making that sound.

When you go to college, you'll hate your roommate.

He'll fart a lot and leave his dirty underwear on the floor.

The smells that come out of the human body are absolutely amazing.

Life is just a big, wet, smelly fart. Deal with it.

The bananas go in the holes, boys and girls.

The earth is hauling major dèrriere. GET WITH THE RIDE!!!!

The core of the earth is one big nuclear love furnace.